Tuesday, 17 December 2013

Trying To Pull Myself Out Of The Darkness

Yes, I know I have been missing.  Sorry about that.  I have wanted to blog (I do spend a lot of time thinking about what to write about when I should be sleeping) but not been able to.  I've also written a couple of posts, but I just haven't been able to complete them because I wasn't happy with them.

I have worked out, with the help of my lovely counsellor, that I am depressed again.  See, depression makes you not want to do things.  For example, I might think 'Let's go for a run', but the little voice in my head tells me not to do it. 'Running is too hard.  It would be much nicer to stay in bed/on the couch doing nothing'.  I take that advice and I don't go out.

And this happens with so many things.  Exercise.  Going out.  Cooking a healthy dinner.  Putting the Christmas Tree up.  Up until yesterday, you would not have thought that it was Christmas in our house as we had no Christmas tree up, no decorations, no nothing!

The thing about depression is that, no matter how hard things are and no matter what the negative thoughts are, you just have to keep moving.  I have to ignore the thoughts that tell me that there is no point putting up the Christmas tree as there is only a week until Christmas.  I have to ignore the voices that tell me that there is no point going to the gym.  The voice that tells me to stay in bed or on the couch all day.  You just have to keep on going with life.  It is hard.  Very hard.  But you have to do it.

The cat scratching post is where the Christmas Tree would normally be

Yesterday when I got home from my session, I decided to decorate my house for Christmas.  I didn't feel like putting the Christmas Tree, so instead I got out all of the tinsel and I hung it around the house.  And I put up our Christmas stockings too.

My mum made these beautiful Christmas stockings

And I decided to make a Christmas Tree out of twigs.  I think it is really cute.

Our Christmas Tree!!

And you know what.  All of this has lifted my spirits a bit, which is great.

In order to keep my spirits up and to keep me in the mood for blogging, I will be posting every day for the next week or so.  The posts will probably be boring as they will be about my day, but it is good therapy for me.

Take care!

Lady Lou!


  1. SO, I typed out a response , and because I hadn't logged in it disappeared. damn you blogger....
    I hear you Bud. It's hard some days to get motivated, and to not dwell on the things that have not gone your way. I have my days too, where I look at my life and how it is unfolding, and wish for something different, then get angry and frustrated about it. BUT, I have a pretty strong resolve. The one thing I know, is no matter how bad things are, someone is in a worse position, and the only one that can help you, is you. So I know I just need to put one foot in front of the other and get moving, whether I really want to or not. Good on you for dressing up the house, even as much as you did. it IS something that you made the effort !! I hope your black dog is back in it's cage soon. take care xx

    1. Thanks Dale. I am getting there... slowly. Unfortunately it is something that will probably keep happening for a while. But, I'll just keep on getting up every morning, one foot in front of the other. I know that there is an end to all this as I should be going on a new and awesome adventure, but it feels like it is so far away. But I just gotta take baby steps.
      Thanks for caring :)

    2. :) Have a wonderful Christmas x